Lizards Bite!
by June Odyssey
Summary: John and Rodney's humorous with an alien lizard. Oneshot.


"What kinda creature is _that_?" Rodney Mckay exclaimed.

"It'sa lizard of some sort." John Sheppard replied, squinting down at it.

"Yes, thank you, for you 'oh so helpful input' Lt. Colonel Biology." Rodney's sarcasm bled through his supposed gratefulness. John just shot a quick glare at Rodney before squatting next to it for a better look.

"Maybe that isn't such a good idea." Rodney said, suddenly a bit apprehensive. "I mean it could be poisonous or something."

John only rolled his eyes in response. The little lizard twitched as John reached forward slowly to touch it. It's skin was light brown/soft yellow. The tail was as long as the rest of it, and it had spindly toes.

"Hey little feller." John said softly.

"Oh what are you now a lizard-whisperer?" Rodney commented.

John ignored him, reaching a little closer.

"'M'serious. It could be some sacred animal that the locals'll will lock us up for touching or scaring... or something"

John snorted. "There aren't any locals here Rodney. We came ina 'Jumper. No life signs."

"You can't just fly around for ten minutes and decide there's nothing here." Rodney said. He had insisted that there was something of use here, he just wasn't sure what. Ronon and Teyla had gotten out of coming by making the excuse of trading for the Athosions. So here John was trailing Rodney, following his "important" energy signature. Now this was the second strange lizard they had come across.

"Yes," John retaliated. "Yes I can."

Their raised voices, or rather, Rodney's raised voice startled the lizard, who scurried in the direction of the lake a few feet away. Reaching the lake didn't hinder the lizard. He continued on top of the water at a rapid pace.

"Wow." Rodney said atop John's whistle, they watched the water spray behind until they couldn't see it anymore.

"Look at that lil' sucker go." John chuckled.

"Oh look, here's 'nother one." Rodney reached down, former caution forgotten.

"Wait, Rodney do-" John broke off with a wince as Rodney yelped in pain. The other lizard was similar to the run-on-water-lizard but had a bright red eye-catching spot on top of it's forehead. John shook his head and sighed. For a genius Rodney could act pretty stupid sometimes. Rodney was rubbing a swelling finger.

"C'mon Rodney let's get back to Atlantis. Bekett'll fix ya'up."

While Rodney was injured, that didn't mean he was in any short supply of words to tell how many ways this bite could kill him.

_**Back on Atlantis**_

"What happened?" Carson asked when John led Rodney into the infirmary.

"I was savagely attacked by a lizard, now I've probably been infected with posoin or some mutation or I'll drop dead because my heart stopped." Rodney ranted nervously.

When Rodney paused for a breath Carson turned to John. "Colonel, I repeat, what happened?"

"Rodney was about to poke a lizard and it bite him for trying." John said.

"Oh well that's not true." Rodney cut in, while Carson led him to a bed for a scan.

"Yes it is Rodney, you decided it would be a great idea to touch a lizard you knew nothing about."

"You were about to touch that other one. Plus, it looked like that other one, and that other one ran away." Rodney argued.

Carson was looking at his results.

"Like is the operative word there. It had a red dot on it's head that practically screamed 'danger'." John argued back, throwing his hands into the air.

"Well I didn't notice. It wasn't that prominent." Rodney complained.

"A. it _was_ prominent. And B. would you like him to paint it a brighter red so you can see it better?"

Carson chuckled at his friend's bickering while he examined Rodney's lizard-bite.

"Yes, that would be great just dial him up for me and leave a message to him for me will you?"

Before John could make his comeback Carson cut in. "Looks like you got off easy Rodney. The bacteria are being fought off successfully and it looks like there won't be any permanent damage." The Scot smiled good-naturedly. "Check back in tomorrow just to be on the safe side though."

"Thanks Carson." Rodney said with a relieved sigh. As the doctor walked away Rodney suddenly looked up. "Wait a minute, no _permanent_ damage." Rodney called after him but Carson just kept walking.

"C'mon. Lets go grab somethin' to eat." John said slapped Rodney's knee lightly. Rodney looked down to find that his hand had started swell. Rodney wondered how he hadn't noticed before.

"Yeah sure." Rodney gulped and followed John to the mess, glad of something to take his mind off his hand. John glanced at it. "If it gets any bigger you'll have to get a jacket with wider sleeves."

"Oh well thank you very much that's just what I needed to hear." Rodney said sarcastically.

"'Course it was." John grinned. "I'll race you to the mess hall for the last blue jello."

"Wait. What. Hold on a second. . . Sheppard! That isn't. . . . fair. . . . you got. . . . a . . . . . head. . . . start. . . . Shep. . . . pard!" Rodney chased after John with speed he didn't know he had. John still won though. They filled their lunch trays and Rodney just looked at the last blue jello with longing. He settled for red.

John and Rodney plopped into their chairs, John smiling contentedly and Rodney still breathed hard from his run.

"Wasn't, a fair, race." Rodney puffed.

John chuckled, switched their jellos and started eating. "I know."

**The End**


End file.
